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Valentine’s Valentine
February 9, 2010Show Up and Say It
February 6, 2010
I drove north this morning to a largish Lutheran church in a mid-sized Minnesota city. I’d done this once before, so wasn’t too apprehensive. After signing in and sitting through a PowerPoint orientation, a room full of us descended into subterranean Sunday school rooms for the big event. A boy, a gentleman and myself sat on one side of a table that faced, but was set up about five feet back from, a forlorn looking, water stained concrete wall. To our right was a chalkboard filled with important looking, color-coded notes left over from a previous meeting. Behind us, rows of red chairs were arranged for the audience. Nervous chatter from the hallway mingled with the sound of our scratching pens as the gentleman and I swiftly filled in the tops of our very official looking forms. We were the judges, he and I, and as judges we scurried to create paperwork order and read up on proper procedures. To help put him at ease, we bantered a bit with the boy, a fresh-faced nine-year old with a quick thumb. He was our timekeeper.
When all was as ready as it ever would be, we called the first name on the list and requested that the door be shut. The boy began the timer and it commenced. For over an hour fair-skinned, impeccably groomed, homeschooled teenagers took turns standing in that space between us and the wall and gave us their spiel. With nothing more than notecards to cling to, each had six minutes to give a speech in defense of their Christian faith (we judged the Apologetics speeches). Like all competitions, some were spectacular, some were so-so, and some struggled. All showed up, though, and gave it their best. All faced the speaking in public demon, all willing chose to be judged on what they said and how they said it.
As judges we had to rank the competitors, for an awards ceremony is scheduled this evening. Critiquing consumed our time, but a quick ”circle 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th or 5th and below” ranking was a top priority. Some of these kids will go to state competition and only those ranked highest will get the chance. I applaud them, all of them. The impromptu speeches I also judged had many sharp minds and stunning moments. Homeschooled kids (at least Minnesotan ones) are a shining demographic not to be ignored. It will be interesting to see how they help shape the future of America.
As I reflect on this experience, I wonder about our heavenly Judge and what He sees, what His judge’s sheet says about our efforts at witnessing to others about our faith. I wonder what, in His eyes, matters most: what we say, how we say it or where our heart is as we say it. I wasn’t instructed to critique hearts today, just arguments and delivery. As a mere mortal, I couldn’t have critique hearts if they asked me…only God is able to do that.
I’m betting that even if we struggle and barely blurt it out, that just by showing up out of love for Him and others we’ll get a “to die for” award. Maybe I’m speaking to my fears here, for I’m a struggling, barely blurting it out sort…I am very thankful God doesn’t rank us and move some up and tell others to give it up. No, in simply showing up and saying it out loud, Jesus claims us, we all get to be acknowledged by God to God, for in Matthew 10 Jesus says:
”Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven.”
I don’t know about you, but that I can do. Blundering and bumbling? Probably yes…but I think that is ok…yep, I think that, like the speakers today, having the heart to show up and being present matters more than we’ll ever know.
Job Link Deletion
February 4, 2010
On Monday I started combing job boards. With a fast sinking ship, one needs to find a new way to bail or go under. I’m willing and ready and found some places to submit my resumé. As I pray, though, I keep hearing “No, do not look for work”. Well, that just doesn’t jive with what our closely tracked income and expenses is saying…that just doesn’t make a lick of sense. Does God want me to sit back and not pay some lenders? Does He want us to lose the house or make it improbable that Charlie and Emily will to go to college next year? I mean REALLY!!!
So, earlier this week, while home alone without a car/unable to go anywhere I prayed fervently asking for a clear answer, one I couldn’t second guess. “Shall I work?” was my question. I’ve been known to ask God to speak through a coin flip before and did so again. This time I went for two out of three flips. What did I get? Two tails in a row clearly said ”no”. Later that day, I sat down with my husband, Rich, and we talked about the “question” and I posited to him flipping a coin for an answer (without telling him of my coin flipping earlier in the day). He warned me that I needed to be able to surrender to whatever God said through the flip…that I had to be willing to live with the ramifications of the answer. Eagerly, and almost assuming I’d get a “yes”, we watched as the coin spun in the air, was caught and flipped on the back of my hand. Two tails in a row, not a head in sight. We got a “no”, a clear answer…one we couldn’t second guess. It even solidified the answer I got earlier in the day…God was making it clear, He doesn’t want me working. In response I sunk into the couch, deflated, flabbergasted and almost sick. We didn’t say much after that, not much to say…the links related to job openings remains tucked in the draft folder of my email…somehow I cannot, just yet, delete them. I’m obeying, but clinging to my way out of this too…not pretty, but there it is.
Yesterday, I swear I heard God say to do my Beth Moore Bible study…that He had a word in it for me. I was plenty behind (I missed class this week, as the car was in the shop) and had a truckload of time, so I sat down and dug in. And there it was, clear as a bell a ringing in my ear. In Moore’s study on the book of Daniel, she has participants turn to 1 Peter 5: 6. The verse leapt off the page and spoke directly to my heart:
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.
So, there it is, the final word and, of course, God gets the final word. So, I submit, watch and wait. I bow and beg. I wonder why, I wonder how, I wonder if, I wonder when. I cannot see, but then again, I’ve surrendered to One who can see and whose Hand is mighty. I guess that is enough. I guess it is time to delete those job posting links…
Sweet Friend Award
February 1, 2010 
A lovely blog friend, Kathleen, at So Much to Say, So Little Time , gave me The Sweet Friend Award last week. I am so unworthy, which Kate surely knows…yet, I’m betting she somehow knows I love cupcakes (see pic), hence the award. :) Thanks Kathleen!!!
Who is Kathleen? Kathleen is a young mother of three who somehow manages to keep all the balls in the air (she wears many hats) and, to sweeten the deal, she blogs about her life so people like me can glimpse a life lived beautifully and busily before God. I’ve even seen a pic of her directing her church choir while playing flute…wow! Thanks Kate, you do inspire :) She also pops in here and always says just what I need to hear…pretty sure God works through Kathleen. A sweet friend she is indeed.
So, this Sweet Friend Award…the only rule is that I share with you ten things that make me happy and then share the award with others. So, without further ado:
1. when God shows up and others get a new awareness of Him and His love. Miraculous healings come to mind, as well as the more ‘tame’ miracles such as broken furnaces spontaneously fixed (see last blog post). Other God sightings include hearing Him while reading Scripture or sensing Him during worship or seeing Him in acts of mercy or feeling His touch in prayer.
2. fun-filled banter with my husband, nineteen year old son and seventeen year old daughter. Just the four of us hanging out together or (as is the case now more than ever) yucking it up on Facebook, fills my heart with joy…I wonder if God encounters something like this with His family??
3. being with other Family members…you know, Christian Brothers and Sisters…those who get beneath and lift when times are hard and rejoice when times are sweet. Those who just wanna be with you, work beside you, interact with you. Such surrendered souls seeking God somehow know how to encourage and guide, as well as weep and pray. God is not only with us, He gives us each other. That makes me happy.
4. intimate times with my husband. Yep, I’m gonna mention this. Often I wonder if what we have doesn’t touch the face of God, if it doesn’t give us a glimpse of intimacy with Him.
5. being a part of, and then witnessing ‘birdies’ fly. I’m talking about young people, here…not wrens or cardinals. I’ve had the privilege to enter a few young lives in my day and stand close through difficulties while praying my heart out for them. When they manage to stay engaged, seek God’s healing and love anyway, I invariably watch fledglings fly. Smiles cannot do justice to the joy within when I get to witness these flights…
6. music sung/played by Charlie and Emily (my son and daughter). Through God’s gifting, they both are blessed with beautiful voices and musical talent. When they play or sing (especially when they do so together), I often wonder if life could ever be sweeter. When they break out musically, it’s as if God plants a kiss on my cheek…it is as if He gave them the gift just to bless me…
7. when a babe is born in Christ. Oftentimes it is an adult who undergoes a major shift in how they see God, how they see life. God becomes real. This new life is often messy, noisy, demanding…yet, like a newborn, it is beautiful, precious and joy-filled. They’re alive, they’re awake, they’ve entered a new world and eternal Life is now. Others mid-wifed me and sometimes He allows me to help mid-wife others. Jumping for joy with tears in my eyes…it is so fun to watch Him work in and through other people’s lives!
8. old friends. Something very humbling and heartening about friends who choose to stick with me over the long haul. I wonder at their fortitude and if they aren’t masochistic. Only a few come to mind, yet a few are more than I deserve. I am so grateful for their patience, resilience and enduring love. I count my family of origin and my immediate family on this short list…yes, as family they’re stuck with me, true, but they’re also my friends. A double treat, if you ask me.
9. wild and wooly moments in prayer. I’m a chicken when it comes to contemplative prayer, but when I ‘go’ there, He often “wows” me wonderfully. How to explain this further, I don’t know…just makes me happy :)
10. dancing. Weren’t expecting this one, were you? Yep, I like to dance and dancing makes me happy. Jesus…Jesus must have danced, must still dance. He is Jewish. :) Dancing with Jesus…now the mere thought of that really makes me happy!!
Ok, I bestow this Sweetest Friend Award on:
Becca at While I’m Waiting
Ronin at RoninSherpa: Fireside Notes from the Trek
Cindy at Cindyhan111’s Blog
Jessica at booshy
Mark at Mark’s Site
Miracle Granted
January 27, 2010
One of the expenses that hit us this month was a broken furnace. We had it fixed and within a week, it was out again. Rich called the repair guy to come again. He promised to come the next Monday. He never showed. That was about two weeks ago. Since we have two furnaces, we decided to wait on the fix and have cozied up to a space heater instead.
This morning I woke up to hot air blowing through the vents. The furnace is working. Spontaneously it is fixed. No one worked on it, no one touched it. Sometime last night God granted us a miracle.
On a very cold January day I’m not only warm, I’m blown away. My heart overflows with gratitude and hope. Tears flow freely. Maybe there is a way through…yes, He must have a way through…
PS after talking to Rich: he did go into the furnace closet last night to get something. He turned on and turned off the light, but never got near the furnace…so…maybe there is some sort of electrical something that happened that triggered a furnace start. Maybe, could be, I suppose. Nevertheless, it does seem like God is showing up, and for that I’m so grateful!
Winter Rain
January 23, 2010
It is raining here in Minnesota. Crazy weather for January…it is never this warm, and, dare I say, this month should never be this warm. We’re in the dead of winter in a northern clime. A thick layer of snow blankets everything. Wool winter coats and big winter scarves are “in style”…we all know where ours are, we all have them handy. Rain jackets and umbrellas are buried in bins til spring.
I do admit though, it seems the rain echoes where we’re at in many ways. In the past month two vehicles have completely died, one of our furnaces has gone out, been fixed and is out again. One of our two remaining cars needed repair, other unforseen costs have erupted, etc. My husband has work, and for that we’re ever so grateful. But, a month into his job and we’re buried alive in things we cannot afford to pay, and the future ain’t looking as bright as we’d hoped. How to move forward without implosion, how to move forward in obedience, how to move forward in faith…Rain is falling…rain is falling. In the midst of a personal spiritual winter, rain is falling…
A passage comes to mind. As I read, I remember that “Jodi” stems from “Judah”…is He talking to me? Am I so far off? Am I missing something? What must I learn from this? Oh Lord, please, do help me hear You and go..
”Come, let us return to the LORD.
He has torn us to pieces
but he will heal us;
he has injured us
but he will bind up our wounds.
After two days he will revive us;
on the third day he will restore us,
that we may live in his presence.
Let us acknowledge the LORD;
let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises,
he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,*
like the spring rains that water the earth.”
”What can I do with you, Ephraim?
What can I do with you, Judah? *
Your love is like the morning mist,
like the early dew that disappears.
Therefore I cut you in pieces with my prophets,
I killed you with the words of my mouth;
my judgments flashed like lightning upon you.
For I desire mercy, not sacrifice,
and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings.
(Hosea 6: 1-6)
*emphasis added
Cocaine in the Library
January 20, 2010
I’m sitting in a pint-sized public library in a pint-sized Minnesota town. My car is in the shop across the street getting a front end fix. With no wheels, I’m stuck in small town mid-America.
Perusing the pinted-sized library’s pint-sized religion section, one book caught my eye. It was right next to The Bible (which looks rather odd with Dewey decimal numbers on its spine) and is entitled The Bible, but it isn’t the Bible but is a book about the Bible by Karen Armstrong.
I opened to the middle to see what it might hold…a chapter on Lectio Divina–should keep me happy for a while, I mused. So, I grabbed the only comfy chair I could find, which cozied my knees up to a scantily clad magazine section, and opened ‘er up.
The first words of said chapter elucidate how the Roman Empire, a pillar of rationality and order, fell to the “chaos of sensation” brought about by plundering barbarians (early 5th century). Passions overran reasoning powers and Rome fell…
At that moment, Eric Clapton’s ”Cocaine” pounded through the walls of the library. This weensy library is tucked in the middle of a strip mall, so common walls flank both sides and tenants undoubtedly reside overhead. All library visitors (including a class of preschoolers) had no choice but to listen to Clapton croon such gems as: ”When your day is done and you wanna run…cocaine.”
All of a sudden the words on the page were connecting with my experience. Reflecting ancient Rome, this orderly, stable, safe (albeit pint-sized) library of an orderly, stable, relatively safe small town was suddenly flooded with an unsolicited message of sensuality and despair. Without warning we were all at the mercy of “barbaric” lyrics smoothly professing chaos, destruction and death…a psychic pillaging took place and, short of plugging our ears, there was nothing we could do to stop it.
Thankfully, we only endured “Cocaine” once and were not “caressed” by any other neighborly melodies. But, all one needs to do is venture anywhere else or simply access a media source to realize that psychic pillaging is everywhere present. Like ancient Rome, the destruction begins within, manifests without and then is open to barbarians…something we may not realize it until it is too late. Moral boundaries are weak, sensuality and passions in the name of personal freedom rank higher than what brings life to others, than what promotes the common good. Such short-sighted, self-centered, self-destructive living makes us vulnerable to chaos, destruction and death. Don’t believe it? Look around…still can’t see? Then just wait…
May God have mercy…may we see what we’re doing and turn around. May that which destroys be seen for what it is…May God get a hearing and soon…May we choose Him and find a better way…Oh God, have mercy…
MLK, Haiti and God
January 18, 2010
I have no living memory of MLK–he died in 1968 when I was three years old. All I know of him is what I learned in history books and what I see around me…
What do I see around me that echoes his vision, his work? Of course, our black president, Barack Obama, comes to mind. Forty-five years after King’s death, the most powerful man in our country, in the world, was elected freely by us–a people who have, by and large, let go of racial prejudice. As King envisioned, most of us judge Obama by his character and not by the color of his skin.
More recently, I see the American response to the plight of the Haitian people as a reverberation of MLK’s words and work. Would we have been so forthcoming in helping Haiti in the early part of the 20th century, as we are doing today? I think not…I think we’d have noted the color of their skin, figured they got what they deserved (or some sick thought process like that) and left them to figure it out on their own. I hope I’m wrong here, but I kinda doubt it. Now we see not their skin color, but the plight of neighboring people in desperate need. Fifty years ago, we may have put blinders on and happily looked the other way, justifying our actions with arguments that echoed hard hearts…a sad thought, but probably bearing a nugget of truth.
So, we’re in Haiti actively plucking people from the rubble, actively tending the poor and lame. Have they something to teach us? Is this just a one way ministry? Nah…I’m betting God is using the poor and desperate to help us see Him better. For instance, Haitians worshipped yesterday. Yep, even though church buildings were completely collapsed, they met in open spaces and praised God. Surrounded by death and experiencing loss none of us can imagine, they repented, they prayed, they are seeking Him anyway.
more about “I Just Saw It On CNN.com“, posted with vodpod
unable to view? visit: http://cnn.com/video/?/video/world/2010/01/17/lawrence.church.destroyed.cnn
When all is stripped away, souls tend to see and hear God clearly. As Jesus taught: ”Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God.” (Luke 6:20) I’m sensing God is close, very close to the people of Haiti. His Kingdom is in their midst. Let’s keep an eye open for what they have to teach us…I think we may end up being blessed mightily because we let go of the sheath of prejudice and entered their world, a world where God is close…at least at present He is. Maybe we’ll get a glimpse of His reign, His glory in the midst of the rubble, pain and suffering. Maybe we too will find ourselves inspired to seek and praise God in those times when all is lost…when all is stripped away…maybe even before then…who knows…
Thanks Haitians for showing us a better way, for being Kingdom bearers in the midst of great suffering and heartache. Dare I say…we’re blessed because we came…
Haiti: death has done enough
January 15, 2010
Haiti hurls from one end of my mind to the other. Tuesday’s cataclysmic earthquake has shaken not only hundreds of miles of earth, it has rattled me good and, as we witness on the news, it has rocked the world’s psyche. The planet is stunned, shocked, sickened, yet not without hope for we’re all scrambling like the dickens to get in there to help. As the headlines read, the devastation is complete. Port-au-Prince is flattened like a house of cards that has hit the deck. The stench and sight of decaying bodies is ever present. Instant orphans’ ”Papa!”, “Maman!” echo in the streets. Survivors strive to survive as disease, dehydration and anarchy promise to pounce.
Logistically, aid arrival and distribution is a nightmare. Nothing is easy, nothing is clear. Yet, we show up and pluck one Haitian at a time from the gnarly fingers of death. We fight for the living, we fight for life. Death has done enough…”ENOUGH!” we cry.
Dear God, please have mercy. Please provide necessities, console the inconsolable, protect the vulnerable, heal the broken, feed the hungry. Plant seeds of hope in the hearts of the despairing and rebuild not only cityscapes, but innerscapes. Send Your warring angels to battle demons of dissension, despair, disorder and deception. I dare you to be a miracle maker in Haiti this day, this week, this year. You are God! You know why You allowed this to happen–make good on that reason! Show up and use hearts and minds at Your disposal to nourish bodies, souls and spirits. Without You Haiti is lost…without You we’re all lost. Please help us find You in this mess! Amen.
Haiti in Turmoil: What to do?
January 13, 2010In response to Haiti’s utterly devastating earthquake, I sense God prompting me to repost this (with a current picture).
Myanmar’s recent cyclone, China’s earthquake. Headlines. Can we take them in? Dare we let these catastrophes and the devastation they have and are causing into our psyche, into our hearts? What do we do with news like this?
For me, I tend to keep it distant. Not delve too deeply into the news stories, not really listen to or watch the video reports that show desperate people or wailing mothers. I fear being engulfed in grief and not being able to function. I’m not sure my coping is all that healthy, all that pleasing to God.
I’m sitting here thinking about how Jesus operated….No natural disasters are noted in the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke & John) except an earthquake that happened at the moment Jesus died, which opened the graves of the saints who came back to life and visited the townspeople. (I’m not making this up: Matthew 27:51-53). Oh, and one happened at the moment of His Resurrection too. (Matt 28:2)
We can see, though, that Jesus was surrounded by desperate and grief stricken people. He moved toward them, some He brought healing, some He brought back to life, some He delivered. But, let it be known that He didn’t heal all of them, or bring all of them back to life or exorcise every demon. So, where does that leave us?
All that comes to mind is on our knees, asking His instruction for us about these things. Some of us will be called to action (go physically help or mobilize aid here for them), some will be called to give (write a check). Not everyone will be called to these actions, though. He knows what is best, best to stick with Him…
As Christians, though, I think we’re all called to pray for the survivors, the rescue workers and the decision makers. God’s mercy is desperately needed and it may be that these disasters will open a door into those areas for Jesus to walk through. May our Brothers and Sisters in Myanmar and China be encouraged and emboldened because God heard and answered our prayers for them.
Can we take in the pain, though? Well, it is easy to intellectualize prayer, isn’t it? Say our rote, obligatory prayer and call it a day. I do think, though, that prayer is a heart activity and really isn’t all that beautiful in His sight unless done with the heart. The heart is the center of compassion, pain, suffering, empathy. I think we should dare to go there, take time out and beg for mercy for others…and then look for signs of His working. I don’t think we’ll hear headline reports about miracles or the Gospel being spread…we may have to look elsewhere for news of that kind. Or, we can just trust that He is busy, busy and then He may opt to let us in on a thing or two He is doing in that area, as we pray. I’d like to think we’ll know in heaven how our prayers influenced God and how others were helped because we prayed.
I guess I have an answer to my question…time to let it in and get on my knees. May the tears be avenues for healing…
Original post at: Headline News
