Last Saturday, Bob, my father-in-law, asked me if I had any new year\’s resolutions. I answered \’No\’, justifying my answer with the fact that I didn\’t have any because I never keep them. Some resolutions I\’ve made have hung around for awhile (like exercising five times a week instead of three or four), but inevitably they get broken. Then I shake my head, roll my eyes and move on..I don\’t waste too much energy on regret with things like this. Forgive and let go.
Even though I didn\’t party last night and was in bed by 11:15p, I woke this morning with the genesis of a migraine, a shadowy figure that has been threatening for at least a week. I\’ve swallowed two Excedrin Migraine tablets and a couple of magnesium supplements and am hoping things will improve. Migraines, for me, tend to walk hand in hand with my hormones and with whether or not I\’m expressing my emotions…I\’m often too slow to cry, to my own detriment.
As the coffee perked, I sat in the dark this a.m. with the Christmas tree lights on and prayed. Seemed God was calling me to a resolution. So, I resolved to spend at least 20 minutes in quiet prayer each day. I\’ve made this resolution before and failed miserably. You see, things change when I incorporate this kind of prayer into my life: I become more sensitive to spiritual reality and God becomes super real, so real it scares me. I want to control how much of God I get and this kind of prayer (for me, anyway) invariably breaks through that wall. Becoming vulnerable to God terrifies me. I know, I know, He can be trusted–I know this in my head, but not so much in my heart. I realize I need to open space in my heart, sit in open silence and let Him have His way. Simple, really. Easy…for me, not so much. The unknown triggers my defenses, so I avoid, avoid, avoid.
Anyway, I write this New Year\’s resolution for the sake of accountability. I also resolve to share with you a short sentence or two about this time spent in prayer at the beginning of each blog. A little contemplative prayer update, if you will. If I break this resolution, I resolve to get right back in it. With you as my witness, I go.
As L.B. Cowman\’s Streams in the Desert notes for January 1st:
God\’s greatest blessings and mercy to you this new year, my friend!