Well, I just finished today’s time of contemplative prayer. I sense God is working on me in relation to this blog. For about ten days in February I didn’t have a working visit counter–I had absolutely no idea if anyone was visiting the site, if anyone was reading what I was writing. The temptation was to quit, yet I came to realize that even if no one visited I would still write, and blog in the dark I did. The counter reactivated about a week ago. Maybe I passed the test, if it was a test.
Lately I haven’t had much to say, much to blog about. I’ve been busy, busy meeting with people and doing, doing, doing church stuff. As a result my head has been knotted, not much open space for God (I totally remember now why contemplative prayer is so important, for when brain clog descends contemplative prayer is a time where He can come and clear away the clutter). Anyway, in prayer time today I asked Him if there was a blog yet for this day. Silence. No answer. Then I realized that I had to be willing to surrender the blog, be willing to never touch it again. I cried. Why? Because I sense His presence strongly when I blog. Letting go of the blog felt like I’d be letting go of Him, of creating distance from Him. Of course, this is hog wash and I quickly realized that it wasn’t the activity that brought me closer to Him, it was the fact that I was doing His bidding. That the work He had for me to do meant I got to be a vessel for Him…a very intimate place indeed, a conduit of His will. So, I reoriented and let it all go….blog or no blog, I could still be with God. Blog or no blog, He would still use me as He saw fit or not at all, whatever He felt like. Staying in His will was more important than anything I could do for Him outside of it.
After prayer time I felt led to randomly open the Bible for today’s blog (I guess I got a ‘yes’ on writing a blog for today). Here is what I read in Zechariah 13 (yeah, Zechariah!):
“In that day every place shall be opened to the house of David and to the inhabitants of Jerusalem. And it shall come to pass in that day,” says the Lord of hosts, “that I will utterly destroy the names of the idols from the land, and their remembrance shall be no more. I will remove the false prophets and the unclean spirits from the land” (vs 1-2)….”And I will say to him ‘What are these wounds in the middle of your hands?’ and he will say, ‘Those with which I was wounded in the house of my beloved.'” (v. 6 Orthodox Study Bible)
So, is there a correlation with the Scripture passage and my internal blog war? Yeah, think so…the first part has to do with cleansing of idols, unclean spirits and lies (false prophets tell lies), something I think God is actively doing with this blog experience. Cling not to anything (blogs/ministries included) other than Him.
The second part sounds an awful lot like God speaking to Jesus post Crucifixion, doesn’t it? Wounds in the hands denote the nail scars Jesus carries yet today. Look at Jesus’ answer…’Those with which I was wounded in the house of my beloved.’ Think you and I are home to Jesus. We’re the beloved ones who wound Him. When do we wound Him? Whenever we step outside His Will and go another way. Whenever we choose to jump into ministry without knowing it is His work for us. Whenever we grasp at something or someone other than Him. Whenever we try to make something happen just for something to happen. Whenever we shoot for the applause of our peers instead of the blessing of God. Whenever we seek to secure our own wellbeing instead of listening to Him and going there and letting Him provide. Whenever we say ‘yes’ to Him and then dismiss Him from the rest of what we do in response to Him…we say ‘yes’ and then take it from there all by our lonesome. I think you get my gist. We hurt Jesus, we crucify Him all over again every time we become closed vessels who can do it very well on our own, thank you, or when we expect someone or something else to be our savior. Closed conduits aren’t conduits anymore are they? They channel nothing, they’re dead, they’re eternally nailing Jesus to the cross.
With Lent here I think I need to keep this image in front of me…me nailing Jesus to the cross. Maybe it’ll help keep me at His feet and seeking His will, maybe, just maybe, I can be an open vessel that His life and power and love flow through…maybe, just maybe, if He sees fit.