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Well, what a week. Most of it was spent in a darkened bedroom with an ice pack on the nape of my neck and a prayer for mercy on my lips. Advil and Excedrin were my constant companions, sleep a welcome visitor.
Migraines come and land from time to time. Their triggers, most of which I cannot control, have a way of collaborating and congregating at the same time and place to ensure my misery. Do they have a will of their own? I know it is impossible, yet I wonder…
How to stay true to my Lent in Advent commitment while ill…that has been my conundrum. Sickness has a way of turning one inward, forcing self-centeredness. Such a posture is only natural and fits the doctor’s orders, we all know…yet, is that the only posture?
With God leading, I decided to choose which commitments to stand by. I opted to rally and rise for “not to miss” items and for times when I was most needed. For instance: my niece’s very first band concert was this week. I had a choice, get up and go or miss–either way my head hurt, but what was I going to do? I considered whether I’d regret not seeing it/whether she’d regret me not being there…that made the choice easy: I went, no regrets…thank you very much! Emily (our daughter) desperately needed help delivering boxes of fruit for a fundraiser–after holding my head for hours and cursing God, I rose and, in the snow and bitter cold, she and I loaded the truck and spent the evening making deliveries. I have a few more tales of this kind, but I think you get my drift…I pondered the possibility of future regrets and the level of need in front of me and went from there. Although pain still lingers and much remains undone, I am grateful God extended a measure of mercy so I could show up for others in ways that were life-giving for them.
Contemplative prayer was particularly difficult…that sort of prayer in the midst of searing brain pain is no small trick. I failed miserably, but did try from time to time… I haven’t ventured into fasting, the thought of fluctuating blood sugar levels seems much too risky right now (I still have a headache…not a killer one, but bad enough…).
I don’t know if God smiles on my week…I cannot say. I just know I tried to give Him and others first billing even as the migraine wanted to be dictator of my every move. Maybe a battle or two was won this second week of Advent…hmmm…a warring week of Advent…could be…