The sky is falling!!!
Run away! Flee now!!!
Manipulate, make it dance!!!
Blame, demonize…it feels safe!!!
When exclamation points pogo stick up from lower places, my chest experiences a strange sort of scattered, burning pain. I’ve known friends in the midst of such an assault who’ve mistaken it for a heart attack–no endearing little heart flutter happening here.
When spring-loaded exclamations manage to pop all the way up, into my head, thoughts mix and tumble like words wrestling on a mat. I flip with them, like an inept ref trying to break up a fight.
So, what comes naturally in such spots? I can’t deny it, I struggle to keep loud punctuation down, down, down…primal places beyond awareness is where I want to house the unruly beasts. No real pain in denial, or so I figure…
But nooooo, I’m wired to feel, to know, to sense. Fear keeps popping up, it is determined I mount its blaring, bounding exclamations so I’ll bounce into oblivion and live only outside myself, scattered and scared. Chaos and disorientation want their way with me–I know it, I feel it, I sense it.
I’m not fear’s victim, though. I have a choice. I can surrender to debilitating, fear inducing thoughts or I can look Up and surrender to One who heals thoughts. I can swim in a sea of burning anxiety or I can bathe in Living Water. I can opt to deny, deny, deny or I can steely eye the squealing beast and invoke the presence and power of Jesus the Christ. I have a choice…
I wonder, though…if I say “yes” to Jesus, will He show up and lead? Can He be trusted to guide, heal and grow me? Can I really ever be different than what I am now? How much pain must I endure in the path He opens before me? Am I willing to nod to even more heartache? Is heartache His will? Will I ever know unless I say “yes”?
What if I say “no” and try to manage the fear on my own…what if all my efforts funnel into avoiding landing on my back on the mat of tumbling words? What if I do little but concentrate on quenching burning anxiety in the odd chance I’ll have fleeting moments of relief? Is that a life I want to entertain or even sustain?
As I ponder, exclamation points fly…